I stopped trying.

Winter feasting & unshaming body reserves.

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This past week I have noticed something.

Normally I am consistently tracking my eating and weight.

As someone that has lived with chronic health issues for the past decade and a half, I ensure everything I eat is biodynamic, organic, local, full of life force and treated respectfully. I have learned how to recover and feel good in body, as a baseline, through managing my diet and lifestyle and so when I eat something that sets me off, I really notice it.

Just recently, after three weeks in Europe, with no real routine around my health, I came back to Australia and fell into a total slump. I don’t really get away with weeks on end of no routine, no discipline around my eating and exercise now… it makes me feel horrible.

And because post-partum, I put on a LOT of weight because of high levels of cortisol from solo parenting (the first close-to-three-years) + running a business with a new born and minimal support… and because it took four years to lose that weight (I am still not back to my baseline, but don’t necessarily expect to be either, as I am now a Mother and have changed the shape of my life and body)… I now often worry about putting it all back on again, if I fall out of routine.

It wasn’t until May of last year, that I finally started to lose my cortisol weight. I had to take myself out of my life, over to India for 2 weeks of intese panchakarma treatment, in order to reset my metabolism. Nothing else was working.

It seems extreme… but when you have tried everything… intense physical exercise, diet changes, supplements… blah… you start to consider more extreme options.

And panchakarma itself isn’t necessarily extreme… but when you are a single mother, taking nearly three weeks out of your schedule, away from your child, to travel to India for medical intervention, does seem like a LOT. I know many women who would not have the same privlidge as I did.

But I am grateful I did, as it changed everything. I lost 8kg initially and then when I was back home, the weight continued to shed, because my metablolism was functioning normally again.

It also kicked all of my cravings. I no longer craved sugar or caffeine, because I was not trying to get fast tracked energy into my system, where I was depleted. And whilst I still drink caffeine, I have changed the way that I do it…and I am no longer reliant on it.

The past year, alongside that protocol, I have had advanced genomics testing, using my DNA to test to map my unique genetic blueprint — intolerances, predispositions and also propensity for certain health issues. I have gone through a complete gut health reset, alongside a naturopath and also by using Zencleanse + BlackStuff

These are my two favourite health products on the market. I personally take the Black Stuff capsules daily to keep my biome healthy, and do their ParaDetox once every 6 months. I LOVE their paradetox blend because it is gentle and it not only detoxifies the gastrointestinal tract, but it also flushes it with magnesium, so that you’re not holding onto the toxins in your bowel.

For the ZenCleanse, I do the Zenclease One cleanse once every 6 months, and also their forgive (or rainbox cleanse for deeper dive clearing work) for the liver / gallbladder pathways. This is because I have a tendency for poor / congested detoxification (ahem, sun, mercury, pluto conjunction + mars in Scorpio, which rules the detox pathways of the body) and liver stagnation. I often tell people to do this cleanse in Saggitarius season (sagg rules the liver).

If you would like to know which zencleanse products to purchase in particular, you can sign onto my yearly paid membership or to my founders plan and send me your chart and I can tell you which would be best to purchase / give you a personalised protocol.

And most importantly, I have developed discipline and routine around my health. Daily exercise, protocols for my design and feminine biology.

Replacing my morning coffee with tea rituals (I am talking really good root propogated loose leaf teas, not the tea bag kind that are often loaded with toxins) and not having coffee until after I have eaten (at least 20 minutes after so that it also does not stop the digestive process), so that my gut biome stays optimal.

Training compassionately — meeting myself where I am at and not trying to push myself to be somewhere I am not.

But not witholding or making excuses, either.

I have always been someone to live cyclically — I take my bleed off, and rest and dream.

Just this past week, something else happened.

I noticed I stopped tracking what I was eating / my weight.

Perhaps it was because I have been too consumed with the death of my pop lately, to notice. More important things are on the horizon.

Or maybe, I have just let go of control.

I have been ravenous, feasting for winter and feeling comfortable with the idea of having more weight on me. I think about bears and how they go through a phase of hyperphagia in winter, to increase their body reserves to keep them warm and to last them through winter. And whilst I am not exactly going into a slumber and hybernating in a cave over winter, it does feel grounding and give me a really deep sense of fullness to have a full rested belly, without the hypervigiliance of my own surveillance getting in the way.

Or maybe I am just in that phase of life where I have just finally settled into myself.

I am not sure, but either way, it feels good to have arrived here.