THE ARRIVAL

I am only just getting the chance to write my Mother’s day post now retrospectively - as I have been wanting to stay present with my journey in Egypt and to not fracture my presence by being on technology.

But - it felt important to share as there was a moment yesterday where I was listening to the Max Richter song “On the Nature of Daylight” from the movie The Arrival, crying and my heart breaking as I remember some of the scenes from the movie.

There is no movie that brings me deeper to my knees in grief than this one.

I have moments where time freezes and I experience myself cosmically looking down at my human self and life, remembering the choice to come here. Remembering the choice to walk this journey and in particular, the remembering to walk this path with my daughter.

Profound moments where I am awake within the dream, witnessing myself living something that I always knew was coming.

The part of the movie where the Mother has glimpses of her future with her daughter, who is diagnosed with Cancer and dies young - and still chooses to have her, reminds me of these moments.

The profound and divine love that floods my system watching this scene, knowing I would do the same and choose the same for myself - because of the unparalleled depth of love that I experience with my daughter. The heartbreak that comes with understanding the fragility of this life - that we are here, for what seems like an eternity, but is really just a blink of the eye and a moment in time and space that is so small in the infinite galactic multiverse.

I cry knowing that one day I will leave her - or her me. And that one day i’ll have amnesia again - that I will forget my time here and return to my true home - pure love.

And perhaps even one day, I will remember again - and I will find her and dance with her again in another reality.

These are the kinds of moments I have regularly, that break me open in the most beautiful way.

Happy Mother’s day to me - I am so grateful to be your Mother.

And to all of the Mothers out there- I hope you know how much of a precious gift your child is - even through all of the challenges that Motherhood brings.