Yes!! I've encountered this especially among women-centered communities.
Real solidarity between women requires something sturdier than politeness. It requires the ability to recognize and respect each other’s boundaries without interpreting them as hostility.
Paradoxically, warmth becomes a strategy of covert extraction, and it undermines the very authority and trust those relationships are supposed to cultivate.
Great article and an important topic. I've noticed this especially in people trained as space holders, therapists, facilitators, etc. If you approach them with a personal (or professional) issue, they respond as if you're talking about something unpleasant that happened to you, i.e. with warmth and empathy. But they seem incapable of stepping out of the frame of the empathic listener and realising they have actually done something that caused hurt and that what is needed in the moment is not empathy, but accountability, as you rightly point out. This pattern has led to many breakdowns in my personal and professional life.
Yes!! I've encountered this especially among women-centered communities.
Real solidarity between women requires something sturdier than politeness. It requires the ability to recognize and respect each other’s boundaries without interpreting them as hostility.
Paradoxically, warmth becomes a strategy of covert extraction, and it undermines the very authority and trust those relationships are supposed to cultivate.
Great article and an important topic. I've noticed this especially in people trained as space holders, therapists, facilitators, etc. If you approach them with a personal (or professional) issue, they respond as if you're talking about something unpleasant that happened to you, i.e. with warmth and empathy. But they seem incapable of stepping out of the frame of the empathic listener and realising they have actually done something that caused hurt and that what is needed in the moment is not empathy, but accountability, as you rightly point out. This pattern has led to many breakdowns in my personal and professional life.
Oh yes, I know this one. Great observation and I relate