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Big love,

SB x

I went out on a date with a gorgeous man on the weekend. It was our second date in a week. Things went really well on our first meet up — maybe you remember it, as I wrote about it just a week ago. We had dinner at a fine dining Japanese restaurant, walked the streets of Melbourne, went and saw some art and passionately made out in the middle of the bustling streets of Melbourne city. As I drove home the next day, I felt lit up and magnetic. I needed that date to pull me out of the aftermath of density that I had been swirling around in, since recently closing my two year long connection, that my heart and body had still not let go of (cue: it still hasn’t).

But on the second date, things went a little differently.

He invited me to coffee, we sat and ate arepas. It was nice.

Until I told him about what it is that I “do”

The work I practise as a psychic. The remote viewing work I am hired to do. The energy in the room changed. I could feel his gut sink.

We hugged and said goodbye — and later I received a message, “look, I just don’t think we will be compatible with the work that you do. It is too far from my reality”

I appreciated his honesty, and said “I respect that, thanks for letting me know. I feel it is best we leave things here then.”

He agreed and we moved on cleanly.

Now, the reason I want to share this with you today, is to tell you about what I have learned through this experience.

When I decided to start dating again recently, I made the decision that I would not be intimate with anyone, until I had been on a number of dates, and until there were certain tests passed.

As a deep lover, I find myself dreaming and romanticising of finding my husband, often… just after one date. I have previously, often, dove into sexual intimacy only after a couple of dates, if there is chemistry (btw, I do not date often — I have had three dates outside of my longer term connection over the past two years). I am hugely selective with who even gets through the FIRST gate and I screen people rigorously before even saying yes to a first date… because… my time and energy is precious and I don’t have capacity to waste it.

Many conversations occur before I see someone in person for the first time. There has to be a degree of compatibility, and my body has to say yes and be able to envision it happening. Hence, only having three dates in the past two years.

The second gate for me, is about developing connection, over time, through dating.

If someone is truly interested in me, they will be interested in getting to know me — outside of the bedroom.

The sexual chemistry can be strong, and I will not engage it until I have known the person over time. I don’t have an exact timeframe for that — I am still figuring that part out. What I realised on this last date though, was that I avoided future heartbreak by realising we were incompatible early on, before we had been intimate. Which is oh-so-important.

The feminine body loves to merge with a partner. Even just after one sexual intimate encounter.

For me in particular, being deeply sensitive and also having a constitution that is 80% water, I am a merger.

Dakini by nature (ahem, if this interests you, you should definitely read my latest book that will be releasing this week — When Eros Overthrows an Empire: a reckoning with desire, the shadow and collapse of false power), I do not go into intimate connection lightly. Intimacy for me, is like swimming in the dark waters of the cosmos. And for my counterpart: it is never just body-body physical experience. It is deeply spiritual, transcendent and enlightening. And so unless they are ready for that encounter (and the obliteration of the ego that comes with it), then it is best they walk on by.

Dating now feels much more empowering.

I know who I am, I know what I desire and I am not willing to settle.

There are gates they must pass through, to access me.

My eros has matured. I understand the importance of slowing down and titrating how available it is to others, now. Something I talk about intimately in my recent book release, The Shape that Love Refuses to Take: Love as Magnum Opus

Chemistry is beautiful.

But chemistry burns through into dust that has no further ability to transform to gold, if there is no grounds for longevity — shared values, a sense of shared vision, physical, emotional, soul and spiritual compatibility — in the connection.

With love,
SB. X

The gates of dating.