What about the women that coddle men with mother wounds?

We talk a lot about men with Mother wounds.

Blaming them for not “doing the inner work”

But what about the women that coddle men with mother wounds, thereby essentially stopping them from growing from boy to man?

You see, when a woman coddles a man, she stops him from having to go through initiation.

A man that wants a woman to be his Mother, instead of his partner, seeks a woman that is a comfort blanket - one that stops him from having to look in the mirror and to step through the sometimes uncomfortable inner processes that are required in order to step into his masculine power.

When a man does not want to meet his own uncomfortabilities, he looks for a woman he can manipulate. One he can hide behind. One that will coddle him, instead of offering her uncomfortable oracle and truth.

We cannot simply blame a man for wanting a woman similar to his Mother, if we continue to reinforce this very behaviour by being his warm comfort blanket.

The book “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine" by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette explores masculine psychology through four primary archetypes and discusses the journey of male maturation, including the symbolic (and sometimes literal) separation from the mother to become a mature man capable of forming relationships with women as equals - such as a wife.

Another great book is “Iron John: A Book About Men” by Robert Bly - it is perhaps the most direct and poetic treatment of masculine initiation. Drawing from the Brothers Grimm fairy tale "Iron John," Bly discusses the need for boys to separate from the mother (and mother complex) to begin the journey into mature masculinity.

If you are into Archetypal Psychology I also recommend “Under Saturn's Shadow by James Hollis”. Hollis, a Jungian analyst, explores the challenges men face in contemporary life. He speaks of the psychological task of separating from the mother complex and forging authentic relationships - including with a wife or partner - that are not built on unresolved maternal dependency.

What these books have in common - is a shared mythology around the journey of becoming a man, and how that requires a man to initiate himself into forging his own identity of masculinity, beyond how he was shaped as a boy, by his own Mother.

And whilst it is comfortable to choose a woman that is agreeable - a woman that is Eve like in nature, there will always be a part of your masculine power that is offline and unsatisfied when you choose a woman who nurtures your little boy, and not your inner man. For your inner man desires to be forged by fire and fire cannot ignite when it is smothered by a wet blanket. It can only come alive through wind and wood - through dynamism and the willingness to meet moments of high heat, instead of putting them out.